Writer-director Thom Eberhardt knows all the traditional elements of film noir. He knows these characteristics so well, in fact, that he uses every essence of the genre in the made-for cable television movie, Face Down. Unfortunately, this turns into overkill, which turns the whole exercise into a big waste of time.
The story sounds familiar from the start. A disgraced police officer-turned-gumshoe played by Joe Mantegna is working two-bit detective capers, usually involving photographing extramarital affairs. He hates his job and has no respect for his clients. When a blonde, blue eyed skirt (Kelli Maroney) walks into his office claiming she's being followed, he drops everything for this femme fatale.
Eberhardt has assembled a cast of mediocre actors for a text book story with no punch. Guy falls for dame who turns out to not only be schizophrenic but also involved in a porn scam and murder. The story isn't just unoriginal, it's poorly developed and delivered. There's no intrigue, no good fights, not even any good love scenes. So many silly red herrings are planted that it's hard to even care who dunnit. This is especially annoying at the cliché chase-slash-hostage climax when everything is revealed, but it's still not quite clear what happened.
Production values aside, the acting is mediocre to poor. Mantegna (Bugsy), a weak leading man, lumbers through most of the movie as stiff as a board. Pop music star Adam Ant makes an embarrassing appearance as a shifty-eyed but well to do art dealer. Peter Riegert (Animal House) plays a good cop carrying a grudge, and is probably the only mildly-not-awful character.
There are good thrills and chills to be had in the classic film noir genre. However, Face Down ain't worth a nickel. The only crime here is this flick.
